Sep 082008
Monday, Sept. 8

FUCK PAYPAL. Incompetent pricks. Oh, I'm sorry, was my mike on?

What I meant to say was, "there seems to have been a minor error." You
see, since I am not set up to take credit cards (no real reason I should
be), I was told I could take payments at the convention by simply taking a
laptop and letting people order online with a special code. That way they
could pay with credit card or PaycrapPal, and I wouldn't have to mess with
it. Basically it would be as if they were ordering online, but they got
the game in person. PayAssPal gets their share (about $1.40 each
transaction or something), I don't need to deal with credit cards, it's
all secure and everyone is happy.

At least that's how it's supposed to work in theory. In practice,
PayAssRapePal managed to tool me over big time. It started when I got back
from Atlanta and checked my e-mails. I noticed that there were about 20 or
25 e-mails from PayFuckheadsPal saying that my payments from the Con was
delayed, or being held, or investigated or something. I didn't think too
much of it, and filled out a "Dispute resolution" form for each one,
clearly explaining the circumstances, assuming it would be straightened
out until a few days later there were even more and in fact five of the
charges had been cancelled!

I called the automated phone system, trying to navigate their menu. I
heard, "If you are calling about a disputed payment, press 1"; "If you
are calling about a change of address, press 2." I kept waiting for, "If
you are calling because the incompetent assholes at PayPal fucked up your
transactions and caused you hours of grief and headaches, press 6," but
apparently that wasn't an option. After a 45 minute discussion with a guy
who was actually kind of helpful, he explained that
PaySnottyDiarrheaMixPal had deemed my transactions "suspicious" because
they were all from one computer (duh!) and within a few days. They were
concerned that perhaps the credit cards had been stolen, and
"investigated" the matter, finally concluding (in at least 5 cases so
far) that the transaction must be fraudulent because the owners didn't
respond to an e-mail. Well, given that most unexpected e-mails from
PayOprahCrotchPal are spam and phishing e-mails, it's not surprising.

Let me be very clear about this: My customers paid me and got their games
in person. PayBushlikeIncompetencePal got paid for their transactions,
making money off me, then CANCELLED LEGITIMATE charges for merchandise
that was already delivered. The customers got their game, PayToejamPal got
their fee, and I'm left with over $500 in orders that they WRONGLY
REFUNDED because their team of Inspector Clouseaus, or whoever community
college dropouts that that hired as "investigators" couldn't be bothered
to actually check to see if the credit cards were stolen. "Oh, that looks
odd. Hm. Let's ignore this clear, detailed explanation from the person we
took money from, and, well, let's just assume that the cards were stolen
or improperly used. Actually checking takes a few seconds of work, and my
shift is over in ten minutes…"

Not a single credit card was stolen or improperly used. I told the
PayWorst.Service.Ever.Pal guy, "If you really think that these orders are
fraudulent, call the fucking FBI and have them come and arrest me for
credit card fraud. Otherwise, your oversensitive security measures caused
this, so you fix it." The best they could do was suggest that I contact
every single person who paid online during Dragon*Con, and ask them to
re-pay me. Amazing. Their financial sodomy screws me up, and I'm supposed
to spend a few hours of my time contacting people, apologizing, and asking
them to re-send payment.

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