Draft || Notes || Script || Watch for Free
Clicker Clatter Animatic 10 Comments
Okay, I finally got a chance to really look it over, and here are my comments so far.
1) Overall I like what I’m seeing so far, I’m pleased with how it’s coming along.
2) We still need to find a better font or face for the title.
3) When Brad sits down, make the “aahh” sound a little softer; he’s not taking a dump or enjoying a refreshing coke, he’s plopping down on a sofa.
4) Stone needs more expression when he says, “Paper!”, he needs to look like he’s serious and almost freaked out. On this and other facial expressions, I can give you a facial reference to work from, I want them to be right because they really help sell the jokes.
5) The “hidden danger of paper cuts” logo should be bigger and more ominous and easier to read; see the logo sample reference screen captures I gave you.
6) I like the bloody pieces of white paper graphic, but what is that yellow thing above it? A phone book? American cheese? I can’t tell, and suggest taking it out and using the space to make the logo bigger as noted above.
7) Is it just me or is the blood gushing sound a little overdone? It also kinda sounds like a baby elephant on broken glass, a shatter sound, not so much a gory sound…
8) I think the toad licker should be waist-up or higher, and inset against the newspaper story, as in my storyboard. I like the art but we don’t need the legs, and it gets kinds cluttered and busy. Also, do you think the newspaper headline is big enough, or should be bigger?
9) Soy Bomb crowd: looks good so far, but what about the white background? Looks odd… maybe add the Sgt Pepper crowd in the back and be done with it? Maybe with a little separation or blur, so it’s not too cluttered? Should we have someone waving or holding a sign, so it looks like a window, not a mural? We could even do a photo of ourselves holding a sign (I saw me and Fred in the back!)
10) Crikey: tone down the crickets a bit, it is often used as an indicator of nighttime…
11) Your home is gone: the background sound reminds me of a theme park, laughing and screaming; maybe a faint siren instead, over softer crowd noises?
12) Same: KT’s got an umbrella, but there’s no rain…
13) Same: KT’s “how do you feel?” lip synch seems way off, and is that the audio version we settled on?
14) I agree with Ed’s previous comments about the porn, though the “If you’re going to fuck the dog, stick it all the way in” analogy didn’t really come to mind. I do like the look of the porn squiggles, but I don’t like the porn moan audio, she sounds too bored, can you please select one with more energy?
15) Also: the squinting /blurring sequence is odd. Instead of squint-squint-blur-blur, how about squint-blur-squint-blur? That seems more natural.
16) Ribbon spokesman: please put a company logo on the corner of the building in the background, as in the storyboard.
17) Driving like asshole: No car crash sounds. Remember, this needs to be a straight piece, nothing cutesy of jokey until the last line.
18) “Reached for comment” lip synch seems off
19) Also: the pacing is off, the God Finger is up too long. We may want to cut back to Walter earlier (for example for “The deity…”) or stay on him longer (depending on how long the Vigil Victims sequence takes).
20) Fux news guy: No waving arms, we don’t need it, it looks like a bad cat food commercial, where the cats are standing around meowing and then their arms and paws come up from the bottom of the screen holding a newspaper or cigar or toilet paper, like they are leaning on their elbows.
21) As I mentioned, the Threat Roulette board looks too small, many are hard to read. Did we discuss that, and decide to eliminate two of the categories?
22) Also: no vocal “ding!”; use a game-show-like ding-ding-ding, real bells
23) Should we re-do my closing audio? Fred says he thought it could be improved, and there’s no lip synch so it should be fairly pain-free.