October 12, 2008

Another week, another crisis of some sort. The latest news (read: 4 days ago) is that the Playing Gods shipment is STLL being inspected by Customs. How long does it take to look at a damn container? Can’t they just X-ray the cartons? I thought they have these huge X-ray things, where you move the truck in, X-ray it for five seconds, see what’s in there, and move it out. Instead, it seems that my board game Playing Gods has attracted special attention from the highest levels of the federal government. Why else would it be flagged and treated as a Code Red threat to Homeland Security? Ask yourself: How many times have you heard of other board games being held up by the government? Why aren’t they stopping shipments of Monopoly, Clue, or Trivial Pursuit?

Much like the “enemy combatants” held by the Bush Administration at Guantanamo Bay, my shipment of Playing Gods board games seems to have entered a legal and existential limbo, and may be held indefinitely without charge or recourse. I’ll bet the Bush Administration has used “enhanced interrogation techniques” against my board games– probably overseen by former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who makes sure that it’s all legal. (He’s got some free time these days since he’s no longer dodging congressional subpoenas about his Justice Dept. activities.)

I’ll tell you what: They’ll get nothing. I know my board games. They may bend, but they won’t break. Gonzales and his cadre of torturers will get nothing but silence from my board games. Playing Gods games don’t sleep, so sleep deprivation won’t work. They are unaffected by exposure to cold. And as for waterboarding, the high-quality playing board will emerge with little more than dampness and a few water spots.

Did you know that the creator of a game called “Bush-opoly” was renditioned to Turkey just after the game was released? He was eventually found unharmed, with only a misdrawn skull tattoo and a herpes rash as evidence of his brush with the Bush Administration.

WHY DON’T THEY WANT YOU TO SEE MY BOARD GAME?

WHAT ARE THEY AFRAID OF?

Cowards.

This is frustrating, as it will delay shipment of the games to those who have pre-ordered, and to the distributors. I won’t be able to make my planned street date of October 15. I can do nothing but wait and ask for updates; I am at the mercy of conspiracy, bureaucracy, or both. I hope supporters, gamers, customers, friends, and others will be patient with me for another week or two. The games ARE coming!